I want to have your abortion
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
