So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
