He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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