so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's blow job season.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Randomize
