69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
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I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
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Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
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