Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
