You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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