I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
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