just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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