When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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