OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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