My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Randomize
