I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
