i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
