I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
