Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
