Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
