Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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