just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
