he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
