WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
