what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
