Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
