I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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