So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
