i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
