Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
