She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
