And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
