Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
