god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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