dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
