Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
