dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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