Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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