her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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