i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
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There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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