If that was your dad, he is hot
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
