I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
