her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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