Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
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