What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
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