I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
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