He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
