Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
