I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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