We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
