Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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