I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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