In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
