i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
