you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
be right there i have to get my cape
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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