new low.... made out with someone while peeing
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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