I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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