So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
