i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
