Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Randomize
