please come you make the beer taste better
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
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