would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
