my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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