i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
