the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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