We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
