He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
