I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
