i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
