So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
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Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Boobs speak an international language.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
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I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize