I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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