You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
