My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
