I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
